Words Women Use

I just got this e-mail from my mother-in-law to be. In the spirit of our engagement, I thought I would post it here for everyone to enjoy. What can I say, mother knows best because this IS my language. In case anyone is wondering, John has just about everything down but the Five Minutes. ;)

Oh my gosh!! I just had a revelation. John has a Loud Sigh habit when he's stressed...or so he sais it's stress. It has long been an issue between us. Subconciously, I think it means exactly what is said below...always have. He insists it's just relieving stress. I think that he thinks I'm an idiot, which I know is not true. He would never think me an idiot. He's too good a man for that. I've got that rinkled forhead look on my face right now. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say...read on: --wink, laugh, smile, it's all good--

Words Women Use:

Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".

Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!

Loud Sigh: Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

Thanks: This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.